Well. . . after years of torturing animals, it finally caught up with Steve Irwin.  This is kinda sad

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060904/ap_on_en_tv/obit_irwin

mood: blank

1. Do we know each other outside of LiveJournal?
2. What's your philosophy on how to handle me?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you [that I would find amusing]:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake [and what kind of cake]?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive [- Rate me on a scale of 1-100, 50 being average]?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

mood: predatory music: Frou Frou - Breathe in (Watkins Vocal Mix)

It really isn't the same without the Assclown around beating, molesting, and tryin to annoy me all the time =/. . . but at least I'm actually doing an almost decent job at dealing with everything, that is without diving into work or RO.  Don't get me wrong, I love working and I love RO. . . But there's just so much more to do.  I'm cooking every night, and with each dinner it's a new experiment on how to improve the dish.  I'm also tryin to work with Photoshop more, since I've never given it a chance before now.   It was always PaintShop Pro from the very beginning, but gah Photoshop could be so awesome if the interface wasn't so shitty =* (  Everything I want to do now has to do with creating, destroying, or improving everything. . . it's so much fun. 

At least I've about got a new livejournal theme done, just need to get the layout coded--I'm just hoping not much has changed in the last 2 1/2 years  eek.   

Tomorrow's another one of those "Family" days, gah there's been too many in the last month *Twitch*. . . Meh...there's only been 2, but it seems like many many many many more.  It's really funny, because it gets so split up.  My sisters all take my mom out to lunch and shopping while Dad takes the nieces and nephew shopping on the opposite side of town.  Right now I feel stuck in the middle, cause I don't know which sounds less lame =P    Maybe a quick stop at the airport terminal for a one-way ticket out of here?  

Meh, I wish....it's getting easier to leave, but there's still so much money to make and so much instability and uncertainty waiting.  Why can't love be the only thing you truly need in this world?  I could so live off of love, but there is that small problem of starving. . . not to mention having your cardboard house collapsing on you in the middle of a storm.   That'd SUCK!   Worst part is that with my schedule, cooking, and occaisionally sleeping. . . I can't even get a good part-time job that wouldn't get me fired for "Conflict of Interest."  Besides, if I was staying here long term I could see about taking the job lead Jackie found out about, $17 for data entry less than 5 miles from Home.  Meh, think I have too much energy to sit around for 8 hours entering names and figures...

...

mood: happy music: My Chemical Romance - the Ghost of You

Meh, even though I've spent my entire life around people who examine every aspect of human interaction based on zodiac, I have never taken the time to actually compare myself to a zodiac sign. I've never understood how our personality is supposed to rely on the relationship of the stars in the horizon during our birth. Because I'm L-A-Z-Y, pretty much naked, and the local library's CLOSED, I'm resorting to use nothing but the internet to research this--Woot...Go PORN ADS and Pop-ups...I love you ALL!

"Sagittarius" The Archer
Symbolic Animal: Centaur
Ruling Planet: Jupiter
Planetary Stone: Topaz
Talismanic Stone: Beryl
Mystical Stone: Onyx
Ayurvedic Stone: Ruby
Birthstones: topaz, amethyst, sapphire, and turquoise
Element: Fire
Anatomy: Hips, Muscle, Thigh
Playing Card: 4 of Clubs

Traits:
Fun
Optimist
Good-natured
Sociable
Spiritual
Impatient
Fears responsibility
Self-indulgence
Restless
Enthusiastic
Fiercly Independent
Loyal
Generous
Modest

location Curled Up on the Couch mood: restless music: FATE Stay Night - Kirameku Namida wa Hoshi ni

With just under one week left of lame dialup, and just under two weeks left of time before I get to see the Zombie Kitty of Doom again, I sit here bored and anxious. . . Anxious about everything: the future, life, reprises from the past, work, money, and most importantly love. I always wonder about those people who grow up "knowing" exactly what they want in life. Is it even possible to spend your first two decades in life knowing exactly how the rest will turn out? Is there any point to the journey if you know exactly how the destination will be? Yes, I've always thought the best part of any journey was in the actual travel--but can life seriously compare?

Every day we reach another destination in life. Each choice, each step, each word could alter the entire course of life--in an instant everything can change. With all the change I've made recently, it is almost scary to think what will result from all of this. Life is so peaceful and serene this way, but how long until a passing storm shatters the serenity? I refuse to be cliché and say that I've had a hard life. There is not one soul on this planet that doesn't have a hard life. Let us all face the harsh reality that life is hard. Would it be worth living if life was easy? Works of fiction often portray a society as being perfect, carefree, and easy. How fantastic everyting would be if we lived in a utopia! It is also in these same works of fiction that we constantly see society ultimately falling into disrepair and desolation. Currently, things are going well. My job is beginning to suck less, my home life is fine, my lame RO life is about to pick up again, and I'm about to see love of my life. In just two weeks, I'll be able to have and hold a small piece of perfection and harmony--there's just one small price. The price is that for the third time, I'll have to go through the pain of saying goodbye. Each time we've parted it's gotten harder, and I constantly wonder how the third will turn out. Especially after having to wait so long after the last visit. Regardless, I'm going to approach this time with as much passion and dedication as I possibly can. The last two times I saw her were simply amazing in every sense of the word. I so desperately want this time to be even more perfect. I'll make it worth every tear and breath wasted in the final moments in the airport. There's been so much going on in her life lately, and I seriously want to give her something to be happy about. Even if only for a few fleeting seconds after a scent or haunting image, she deserves to be happy in these few upcoming months.

mood: weird music: Dir En Grey - Yokan

So yea, even though everything's looking so good in the long run right now--I'm constantly reminded that there's still a lot of drama, disturbances, and turmoil in the present.

All I want to do right now is take a damned shower, but there's still no running water in the house. . . Stupid contractor's been installing the new water heater all day, way too irritating. Normally I'd be fine, but gah...no shower in over 24hrs....blech! On top of that we went out to the bar last night too, so add smoke and the effect of over-priced and poorly mixed Long Islands to the situation.

It was nice to spend time with "everyone" like the old days, so much has changed in the last six months. It would have been better if more people had showed, but with the way work and life has been lately it's very understandable. No one's the same, everything's different, but at least we can still make Claud & Annie's regret opening it's doors. I really hope we can all find the time to start hanging out again, since I have a feeling everyone's going to be going in different directions very soon. I just don't have the heart to tell them that I'm leaving so soon, and I don't know why. It's not like I'm scared of upsetting them or creating hostility because they may not approve of my choices. On the contrary, I think they'll be pretty supportive of everything; maybe I just don't want to add too much more change into the whole situation.

From the work front, there's so much going on right now that I feel dizzy and nauseated just thinking about everything. Every aspect of our company and my job is changing every second of every day, and I'm constantly fighting to maintain my composure. I know it'd be so easy to just give up and allow everything to consume me, but that's not something I'm sure I know how to do very well. Even in the most hopeless and self-destructive circumstances, I still continue to try and hold onto whatever I currently have--no matter how bleak and superficial it is.

I seriously hope the addition of the new laptop will help to vent my boredom and listlessness, because right now there's so much missing from life when I'm not at work. I walked into this situation hoping to work on being more codependent, since I can never seem to stand depending on anyone for anything. I'm still fighting myself, but I think living here will help everything in the long-run. Since I came back from Evansville all those years ago I got so withdrawn from family, it's amazing how much I've missed in the last few years--I've got a lot of making up to do, when I'm ready that is. In the meantime though, I'm excited about the new cell phone. It's plain and boring and probably a piece of shit, but it's the first new new thing I've gotten in a long time--Besides, I can talk to my zombie kitten bitch all the time now without having to worry about going bankrupt! Next on the list is definitely DSL, since we had shit for luck back in the day with cable at this house. At least then I can finally get back on track with RO, it's not really as much as an addiction as I thought it was. I still want to play and get my assclown priest to 99, but I'm not freaking out, climbing walls in anxiety, though. I'm just curious how everyone else on Loki's doing right now, it's been so long. At least this way, Mooniekins can catch up to me with no problem =P

Yay...time to go back to doing nothing again! I'd go to work, but don't really wanna walk in dirty, smelling like a bar, and unshaven for 2 days. I'd kill for a shower about now. . . well. . . maybe a shower with a certain fun-loving psycho girl in it.

location . . . . Home mood: dirty music: Deftones - Digital Bath

I'm so hella bored, can't sleep, and got work in under 3rs /pif


Part 1: The Birth of You
- Were you a planned baby? My Mom was 40 and my dad was 42--my youngest sister was 12. any guesses? =P
- Were you the first? fourth =/ being the baby sucks, but at least I was the only child for awhile
- Who was present at your birth? Ummm.....couple doctors, couple nurses, and hopefully my mom?
- Were your parents married when you were born? I sure to god hope so, otherwise they better pay us back for all the anniversary presents!!
- What is your birthdate? Dec. 14, 1982

Part 2: The Family
- How would you describe your family? Non-functional?
- Are your parents married? very. . . it's sickening!
- Siblings or an only child? At times it's like I've got 4 monthers and no sisters =/
- If you have siblings, are you oldest, middle, or youngest? Gotta love da baby!
- What are your siblings' names? Michele, Réne, Nicole
- Which parent do you get along with best? MOM! We have very similar personalities
- What do you fight about? Life, Money, Choices, the walking plague with boobs.
- Do you have step parents? My mom gets stepped on a lot, does that count?

Part 3: The Friends
- Do you have more than one best friend? Kinda, but not really...na no da?
- Who are your best friends? Eli! She rawks da cawk hardc0re, even if she's working on breaking the world's record for broken "toys". Then there's Shannon; even though we haven't really talked lately, she's still the most lively and twisted person I know.
- What do you like to do when you are together? With Shannon, it's either drinking--a lot, or pranking the hell out of someone. Betseh on the otherhand, what's not to love? Err....Not so sure about scrotal piercing with stilletos. There's only one thing I don't like doing with her, and that's saying goodbye =/
- Do you share the same interests? . . . NOPE. . . we don't have shit to talk about or do---EVER
- Which friend can you tell anything to? Sadly it's just Ellis cause I'm a quiet assmunch who never admits anything's wrong!

Part 4: Your Personality
- How high/low is your self esteem? I can't even look at a mirror without freaking out and running away in fear! Fear? Maybe it's pure animal lust instead? Meh, definetly fear /gg
- Do you get depressed about things easily? I'm too damn optomistic for my own good, so NO
- Are you extroverted or introverted? SuperMegaUltraIntroversion!
- Are you happy? I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. . . I'm just ME
- Do you live life to the fullest? If I was living my life to the fullest, would I actually be wasting my time sitting here typing all the retarded bullshit?

Part 5: Appearance
- Are you comfortable with the way you look? I have to ask permission to dye my hair; need I say more?
- What would you change about your appearance if you could? I'd have my upper jaw corrected so that I do't bite my tongue when I talk! and I'd be able to change my look without getting my ass sent home
- Any piercings? Not anymore =/ Had lip & brow--I'd settle for at least an ear right now =/
Describe your hair: Short, dull, and ...black.
- What make-up do you wear? Just concealer to cover a few scars
- How do you dress? Work--Ugh, business profession sucks dead donkey balls. Home--Umm, usually just boxers and a t-shirt. In public--usually dark or earth colors. Nice long pants with lots of straps or laces, or anything that preoccupies my attention! and of course the usual tshirt, cause guys have shit for choices when it comes to decent alt. clothing. And no way in hell can I pull off the whole drag thing, fugly me = no luff


Part 6: The Past
- Were you a strange child? I was quiet =/ so yes.
- What did you love that you no longer do/have? the psycho bitch from hell? >^.^< Such a good thing too.
- Do you have the same friends? I have a few, but not many. See above for why =P

Part 7: The Future
- What is your ambition? I want to be happy. I know it's a vague concept, but there's so much that I want to do and experience in life--there's no way in hell I'll type it all. Is far as profession, I'll be happy anywhere that involves a lot of technology.
- Are you scared of growing old? The only thing I fear about growing old is not being able to see beautiful things. If I go blind in my old age, life will blow chunks.
- Do you want to get married? Tax break plox? Err...just kidding *rubs the bruises* Marriage is an amazing thing when it's meant to be, and I really feel this is meant to be.

Part 8: The Outdoors
- Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? If it's a dense urban city, I wanna be in excitement--theatres, parades, events, events, events. Never had much experience with camping and other outdoor-like things, cause my parents mighta broken hips or something =/ But I love nature, especially all of the color and sights.
- What is your favorite season: Fall & Winter. Fall's so amazing with all of the transitions, and winter...yea it's so dead and minimalistic it makes my poser-gothness shine!
- Weather? R-A-I-N. Especially in the spring and fall when the drops are nice and warm. I love the lights and sounds of thunderstorms too, such a mood setter /gg
- Do you like walking in the rain? Walking, runnning, sitting, playing, hopping, skipping, eating, sexing?, breathing. I love everything in the rain, as long as it's not like E-ville rain where everything smells like sulfur.

Part 9: Food
- Are you a vegetarian? Yes, just to piss my cat off cause he never has real meat!
- What is your favorite food? Is ranch a food? I love ranch on everything! Also a cheese and dairy whore, like woah! Asian and Italian are my favorite types of food--there's just something orgasmic about French and Greek desserts tho.
- What food makes you want to gag? pork, bloody steaks, hot dogs
- What is your favorite dessert? Tira misu, cheesecake, and PIE!!!
- What is your favorite restaurant? I don't eat out much =/ I miss the sushi bar sometimes
- Are you a fussy eater? YES and NO. If it's something that someone's made just for me or put a lot of heart and affection into, I won't think twice about eating it (unless it involves meat. been there, done that, and get the fack away from me with it)

Part 10: Relationships and Love
- Are you single or taken? Rose pwns my anal virginity and so much more
- Do you think love is the best feeling in the world? The best feeling is the extra five or so minutes of sleep in the morning after you've just woken up--the blankets are so warm and so damn soft. The only thing that makes it better is when you've got someone to snuggle up with during that last five minutes.
- Do you believe in love at first sight? I take love at first sight to literally =/ To me the phrase is too superficial and lusty. I do think it's possible to fall in love with someone in under a day though

Part 11: Experiences
- What was one of your greatest experiences? It's cheesy and stupid and way too cliché; but meeting Betseh for the first time is probably one of my fondest.
- What was one of your worst? The day I tried cutting. I don't know why I did it, but I'll never forget it.
- Have you ever thought you were going to die? Nope. Did think I was too unlucky to die once though =P
- Have you ever suffered from depression? Yes


Damn that's all?

location HELL mood: sleepy music: UVERworld - Colors of the Heart